Skip on the Kardashian and just order the Cavallari

Wanna hear a dirty little secret?  

The Bears are 2-0.  

Now you may think that's from Urlacher being back and the defense stepping up.  

Or maybe because Mike Martz is running the offense now.  He was the guy that instrumented the St. 

 Louis Rams' 'Greatest Show on Turf'.

Perhaps it's because the Bears have three former NFL head coaches as assistants on their roster (Rod Marinelli, Mike Tice and the aforementioned Martz). 

You could even say with the off season acquisitions of Julius 'Giardiniera' Peppers, Chester 'So not a molester' Taylor and Brandon 'Holy shit that's a lotta vowels' Manumaleuna the Bears would be a much improved team.

But, you'd be wrong...it all has to do with this super babe.

If Jay Cutler can ride Cavallari to the Super Bowl, I'll get The Hills tattooed on me.

Let's look at Jay Cutler's projected stat line from this year and compare it to last years:

Season       CMP%     TD       INT        Face after getting sacked

2009           60.5          27         26           Looks like he just ate a shit sandwich 

2010           68.8          40         8             Still looks like he ate a shit sandwich, but is totally getting laid

It's gotta be because of Kristin Cavallari and I'll prove it to you.  We've seen this formula work before:  

Lamar Odom marries the bronze medal of the Kardashian clan and the Lakers go on to beat the Celtics in 7.

Lamar's undoubtedly cool as shit.  He loves candy and doesn't want to be on their stupid reality show.

                    
Sticking with the Kardashians, Reggie Bush and the gold medal of the sisters hooked up en route to winning Super Bowl XLIV:

'Hey babe have you seen my Heisman?  Also, pretty sure I'm supposed to be on top.'

However, I am aware there are exceptions to every rule.  For every Kardashian helping their man's team win a championship, there's a celebrity (I use that in the loosest sense of the word with the women shown above) who is just kryptonite to their significant others success.

Case in point, remember when this hottie fucked everything up for America's team?  Just another reason God hates the Cowboys:

Two belts huh?...not even going to mention they're leopard print.  At least she matches.

So in closing, I fully endorse the union of Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari...until he throws four picks in a game and costs the Bears a chance to go to the playoffs.  Then I will go back to hating her as much as I did when she was on The Hills.

Until then, best of luck.

Cody