and you thought your Uncle was creepy before

By now everybody has heard of ExtenZe, 'the natural male enhancement', but have you seen the new Extenze Energy Shot which promises to:

"Temporarily enhance your size with each serving. Drink...Enjoy...and Enjoy again. ExtenZe Shot Libido shooter can be mixed with alcohol. It contains caffeine to keep you going." (source)

Those four little sentences just creeped me the fuck out.  You could have said, "Cody, a women's looking for you.  She's pregnant.  Seems like she wants to keep it.  Oh by the way, it's a girl." and it would've freaked me out less.  Let's break down this product description so you can see what I mean:


1.Temporarily enhance your size with each serving

I would imagine this alludes to you getting an erection, because if it just makes you bigger while flaccid, what's the point?


2. Drink...Enjoy...and Enjoy again

They're saying 'Hey, this product is safe!  Keep guzzling this big dick elixir!' There's no way that's a good idea.


3. ExtenZe Shot Libido shooter can be mixed with alcohol

Now you can begin to see the apocalypse coming...you can mix your big dick elixir with a depressant that will also impair your judgment and has been known to cause massive blackouts!


4. It contains caffeine to keep you going

And the bomb just dropped.  That's the last thing we need.  We know have a big dick energy elixir that goes great with booze!

Now can you see why I am so freaked out?  With this little 2 oz shot we will be creating middle aged zombies with boners that refuse to pass out.  They'll be haunting all your favorite bars and clubs.  You thought the old guy who sat by himself and gave sex eyes to girls while drinking his Tom Collins was creepy enough before.  Imagine, him all hopped up on caffeine with wood?

Also this method has been tried before, it's just illegal.  Think about it, what drug will enhance your size, you can enjoy again and again, can be mixed with alcohol and contains a stimulant to keep you going?  The answer is in the video below:

 
Rest in peace Superfreak.


In closing, I will quote the sage of our time, Joe Rogan, "Big dick pills don't work.  You know why? Because if they did every motherfucker would be on them."

I really hope this ExtenZe Libido shot is all smoke and mirrors (just like girls thinking Sara Jessica Parker is hot...her face looks like a foot) if not, then I'll have to hang up my bachelor wingtips, call the fictional girl I knocked up in the first paragraph and start a fictional family.  Because I've seen how zombie movies end and it's not pretty.


Cody